On Being Misunderstood
Does anyone actually understand you? It seems that, universally, we all have parts of us that are unknown to others (and often even to ourselves).
***If you’re free later today (Friday, 14 Oct @11:30 am EST), I hope you’ll join me for a facilitated discussion on Universal Truths for an Age of Isolation.
In my interview with Dr. Kelly Flanagan (author of True Companions), he explained, “There are parts of you no one will ever be able to understand.”
“As a couples therapist,” observes Flanagan, “I’ve discovered that even in the most caring and connected companionship, loneliness never goes away for good. You can’t eliminate your loneliness because you can’t eliminate your uniqueness.”
We are misunderstood because there is no one exactly like us. Humans are unique; therefore, we are misunderstood. The American essayist Ralph Waldo Emerson wrote,
“Speak what you think now in hard words, and tomorrow speak what tomorrow thinks in hard words again, though it contradicts everything you said today. — ‘Ah, so you shall be sure to be misunderstood.’ — Is it so bad, then, to be misunderstood? Pythagoras was misunderstood, and Socrates, and Jesus, …, and every pure and wise spirit that ever took flesh.”
But it is critical to realize that we are not the only ones misunderstood. As the poet, Goethe said, “We would not say very much in public if we realized how often we misunderstand others.”
Despite being misunderstood — we are called to be ourselves. According to Emerson, the greatest accomplishment is to be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else.
The nineteenth-century philosopher Søren Kierkegaard observed, “The most common form of despair is not being who you are.” Similarly, in her autobiography, The Prime of Life, the existential philosopher Simone de Beauvoir wrote, “To be oneself, simply oneself is so amazing and utterly unique an experience that it’s hard to convince oneself so singular a thing happens to everybody.”
We don’t discover ourselves; we become ourselves. Being misunderstood is part of the human experience, but it is important to recognize that we must embrace it to be who we are!
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Thank you for listening; I hope you found something useful.
Until next time, be wise and be well,
P.S. Please take a moment to share this with someone that might find it useful.
On Being Misunderstood