Have you had any epic failures in life?
The type of setbacks that are still a little embarrassing to talk about?
In his short book The Wounded Healer, the theologian Henri Nouwen highlighted an essential insight into human nature. Nouwen observed,
The great illusion of leadership is to think that man can be led out of the desert by someone who has never been there. Our lives are filled with examples which tell us that leadership asks for understanding and that understanding requires sharing.
What if our setbacks and weaknesses are our greatest gifts?
“Compassion asks us to go where it hurts, to enter into the places of pain, to share in brokenness, fear, confusion, and anguish.”
— Henri Nouwen
Thought Experiment:
Let me introduce you to my fictitious friend John. John has never been fired, dumped, bullied, injured, or failed at much of anything. He is taller, better looking, and smarter than most. Can you picture him? Although John is aware of the pain and suffering that is part of the human condition. He has not experienced much of it firsthand. He is unaware (experientially) of what it feels like to be fired from a job or dumped by someone he loves.
The setbacks we face teach us timeless lessons and help us be more resilient. But more importantly, these setbacks help us to cultivate compassion for others. The person that has experienced being dumped or fired is often aware of this when letting someone go or ending a relationship. On the one hand, you might say that our friend John is fortunate he has not experienced many setbacks. But on the other hand, it is unfortunate if he is unaware of the pain and suffering that exists for many of the people around him.
Nouwen stressed,
Who can save a child from a burning house without taking the risk of being hurt by the flames? Who can listen to a story of loneliness and despair without taking the risk of experiencing similar pains in his own heart and even losing his precious peace of mind? In short: “Who can take away suffering without entering it?”
Life is Hard
A couple of months ago, my friend
(a previous podcast guest) recommended the book Adam's Return by the writer and theologian Richard Rohr. It’s a book about the lost art of rites of passage.Keep reading with a 7-day free trial
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