No One Is an Island - According to Merton
The PATH | Connection, Despair, and Being (Who You Are)
Welcome to The PATH — A weekly reflection with three timeless insights for daily life. This week’s reflection searches for ancient lessons on the concept No Man Is an Island from the poet John Donne and theologian Thomas Merton (Connection, Despair, and Being (Who You Are).
1. Connection
The English poet John Donne (1572–1631) wrote, “No man is an island entire of itself; every man is a piece of the continent, a part of the main….” Nearly four centuries later, the Trappist monk Thomas Merton wrote a spiritual classic also titled No Man Is an Island.
In No Man is An Island, Merton explained,
It is, therefore, of supreme importance that we consent to live not for ourselves but for others. When we do this, we will be able, first of all, to face and accept our own limitations. As long as we secretly adore ourselves, our own deficiencies will remain to torture us with an apparent defilement. But if we live for others, we will gradually discover that no one expects us to be ‘as gods’. We will see that we are human, like everyone else, that we all have weaknesses and deficiencies, and that these limitations of ours play a most important part in all our lives.
Similarly, the American philosopher William James observed, “We are like islands in the sea, separate on the surface but connected in the deep.” Despite philosophical and spiritual traditions pointing to our deep interconnection, research reveals that rates of loneliness and social isolation are higher than ever.
We need others, and others need us. We are not all weak in the same spots, wrote Merton. We supplement and complete one another, each one making up in himself for the lack in another.
2. Despair
Strangely, despair is more commonly experienced than discussed. In Wherever You Go, There You Are, author Jon Kabat-Kinn, the founder of mindfulness-based stress reduction, suggests that we must be willing to encounter darkness and despair when they come up and face them, over and over again, if need be.
For Merton, there are benefits to facing our despair,
Only the man who has had to face despair is really convinced that he needs mercy. Those who do not want mercy never seek it. It is better to find God on the threshold of despair than to risk our lives in a complacency that has never felt the need for forgiveness. A life that is without problems may literally be more hopeless than one that always verges on despair.
Accepting and facing our despair (and anxiety) requires courage. In his book The Courage to Create, existential psychologist Rollo May wrote that creative people are distinguished by the fact that they can live with anxiety, even though a high price may be paid in terms of insecurity, sensitivity, and defenselessness. “They do not run away from non-being but, by encountering and wrestling with it,” explained May, “they pursue meaninglessness until they can force it to mean.”
Despair and anxiety are part of leading a life. As the nineteenth-century philosopher Soren Kierkegaard put it, “To venture causes anxiety, but not to venture is to lose one’s self.”
3. Being (Who You Are)
For Kierkegaard, “The greatest hazard of all, losing oneself, can occur very quietly in the world as if it were nothing at all. No other loss can occur so quietly; any other loss — an arm, a leg, five dollars, a wife, etc. — is sure to be noticed.” The concept of being who you are may sound strange initially or obvious. One might ask, “Who else could I be?”
The theologian Henri Nouwen wrote in Out of Solitude,
When we start being too impressed by the results of our work, we slowly come to the erroneous conviction that life is one large scoreboard where someone is listing the points to measure our worth. And before we are fully aware of it, we have sold our soul to the many grade-givers. That means we are not only in the world but also of the world. Then we become what the world makes us. We are intelligent because someone gives us a high grade. We are helpful because someone says thanks. We are likable because someone likes us. And we are important because someone considers us indispensable.
Becoming who you are — does not have anything to do with any external validation. The psychologist Carl Jung stressed, “The acceptance of oneself is the essence of the whole moral problem and the epitome of the whole outlook on life.” Similarly, Merton called being who you are a path to becoming a saint. Merton observed,
“For me to be a saint means to be myself. Therefore the problem of sanctity and salvation is, in fact, the problem of finding out who I am and of discovering my true self.”
The same is true for all of us. It is in being who we are that one truly finds themselves. The more we allow our accomplishments — to become the criteria of our self-esteem, writes Nouwen, the more we will walk on our mental and spiritual toes, never sure if we will be able to live up to the expectations. “In many people’s lives, there is a nearly diabolic chain in which their anxieties grow according to their successes. This dark power has driven many of the greatest artists into self-destruction.”
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Thank you for reading; I hope you found something useful.
Until next time, be wise and be well,