Marcus Aurelius on being strict with yourself
Dying Every Day (Day 111)
💀 Dying Every Day
Dying Every Day (Stoicism in a Year) is a podcast by the Perennial Leader Project. Each episode turns a selected passage from Stoic philosophy into a guided meditation designed to help you (and me) learn how to live.
Listen on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube
Marcus Aurelius on being strict with yourself
Welcome back to Dying Every Day (Stoicism in a Year). This is Day 111.
We’ve all experienced the sudden urge to criticize others—whether at work, at home, or online. But what if, every time we criticize someone, it reveals more about ourselves than about them?
The Roman emperor Marcus Aurelius believed this to be true. In Meditations, he offers not just advice but a moral exercise: before judging another person, pause and turn your gaze inward. He wrote to himself:
Whenever you are about to find fault with someone, ask yourself the following question: What fault of mine most nearly resembles the one I am about to criticize? Our own failings often blind us to the humanity of others. It is more noble to correct yourself than to condemn another. Be strict with yourself, and tolerant with others. That is the path not only of civility, but of justice and wisdom.
This insight is both humbling and challenging. Our instinct when noticing flaws in others is to criticize, sometimes harshly. However, Marcus reminds us that these flaws often reflect our own. Becoming aware of our own shortcomings helps us judge more gently and honestly.
The first question he asks is, “What fault of mine most closely resembles the one I am about to criticize?” It is a powerful tool and reminder for humility. When you notice someone being impatient, unkind, or careless, stop and ask yourself: Have I ever been impatient? Have I spoken unkindly? Have I been careless?
The answer, if we’re honest, is almost always yes.
Marcus warns that when we concentrate excessively on their faults, we overlook that they are also imperfect human beings, just like us. This blindness can lead to cruelty instead of compassion.
The Swiss psychiatrist Carl Jung echoed this idea:
Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves. — Memories, Dreams, Reflections
Jung described the shadow as the hidden, rejected parts of ourselves that we project onto others. What bothers us in others is often what we haven't yet faced in ourselves. Recognizing it as an opportunity to grow.
However, Marcus does not suggest we should overlook injustice or harmful actions. He only suggests that our primary responsibility should be self-correction: “It is more noble to correct yourself than to condemn another.”
The key is to be strict with yourself and gentle with others.
Reflection Prompt
Consider reflecting or journaling on how you think about the notion of criticism. You might ask yourself, “What does my criticism of others reveal about me?” And/or “Where could I practice being stricter with myself and gentler with others?”
Listen on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube
—
Thank you for reading/listening; I hope you found something useful.
Until next time, be wise and be well.
J.W.
P.S. Feel free to catch up on the previous episodes of “Dying Every Day” below:
